"I can't stand him!": Broken Relationships and Mediation

Sometimes, the very people we need to speak with the most are exactly the folks we are least able to tolerate. We're so angry, so frustrated, so emotional, that we can't even begin to THINK of talking with this person who has so offended us. And yet, if we don't speak with them, what hope can there be of any sort of resolution?

Mediation is a collaborative process, which assumes a basic working relationship of the parties. You may not like each other (indeed, you may hate the person sitting across the table). Nevertheless, your best chance of building a lasting solution is also sitting across the table.

Several times during the last few months, I've been contacted by potential clients who wanted to mediate, but didn't really want to speak with the other parties involved. While I can empathize with the stress of a strained relationship, I also know that to mediate without communicating is simply impossible. It is imperative that each party commit to sitting down together, and be willing to engage directly with the other people in the room. I can't help a potential client if they are unwilling or unable to talk to the other party. That's what regular lawyers are for!

I've had several clients recently who have told me that the only time they can talk to the other party about difficult issues is when they are in mediation with me. You may be surprised to learn what is possible when you openly communicate with the other party in a safe, facilitated space. Many of my clients are confronting deeply challenging, emotional issues. We all can use a little help sometimes, and mediation provides a neutral zone in which you can communicate honestly with each other.

Let's be clear: mediation, while collaborative, can often be driven by self interest. To deny that would be to engage in willful ignorance of human nature. However, so long as the parties can communicate and trust each other to honor the terms of the agreement, the mediation can proceed. The hardest part is often walking into the mediation room. But if you can do that, you are well on your way to building a solution that will very likely improve your current situation.