Rebuilding Trust: Fixing What Has Been Broken

Trust. It's a key component to any healthy relationship, be it personal or professional. And perhaps particularly important when the relationship encompasses both of these spheres. This is an issue I've come across several times in recent mediations - married couples who are also business partners, who have become unable to communicate effectively about their business. Very often, this frustration bleeds over into their personal lives (surprise!), and makes life extremely stressful at home as well as at work. While the couple may not seek a divorce, something has got to give - this level of stressful frustration with a spouse/business partner is not sustainable.

But, often, the history of the couple is so littered with broken promises, old hurts, and damaged faith, that reinvesting in the relationship in a real way is scary and may even feel foolhardy. How can mediation change this dynamic when they've tried to fix things on their own so many times before?

The answer, as I like to flatter myself, is that they are now accountable to a third party. In the past, the couple may have struggled to communicate; one party may believe they are clearly expressing themselves when the other party understands something completely different.

In mediation, I help the parties to draw up a contract that details their respective responsibilities. It clarifies the communication process, and leaves no doubt about about whom is responsible for what. It forces them to discuss, in detail, and with specificity, what their expectations are. With a well-written agreement in place, it becomes possible to rebuild trust by sticking to the terms of the agreement over time. And that's a beautiful thing.