Crafting a "Graceful End" to a Marriage

In last Thursday's New York Times "Home" section, one of the articles on the front page, "Within Arm's reach," discussed a recent divorcee's quest to remodel her tiny (600 square feet!) new apartment to maximum effect.

Now that's charming, and it's fun to see how her team of interior designers helps her to achieve a beautiful end-result, but for me the really interesting part of the article is here:

She also said that when she and her husband of some 20-odd years divorced a few years ago, they used a mediator because they were determined that their marriage would have a "graceful end."

I couldn't agree more. Often, when I'm mediating a marital settlement agreement, I want to ask the parties, "Don't you want to honor what you had?!? You married this person for a reason, right? They were there with you for how many years? Don't you want them to walk out of here with dignity and respect intact?"

Usually, the answers to those questions are yes. Most people will choose mediation when they are still able to have a conversation with the other party, when they want to end things kindly and fairly. While it's true that some folks end up in mediation because it is cheaper (and that's true), it also requires a baseline of respect and the ability to compromise and forgive. And what better way to celebrate the graceful end to your marriage then, oh I don't know, renovating your beautiful new private retreat with all the money you saved?